Ring, ring. Collect call from The VAR Guy to Research In Motion (NASDAQ: RIMM) and the BlackBerry team. You lost more executives this week. Your stock is down 80 percent since February 2011. And you're seeking a chief marketing officer and a chief operating officer. Other than that, things are just dandy. So what exactly should RIM and the remaining BlackBerry team do? Here are five pieces of urgent advice from The VAR Guy.

1. Kill Playbook: You ain't got the apps. You ain't got the developer relationships. You ain't  got the consumer love. Three strikes, you're out.

2. Retreat to Corporate Users -- Fast: Get out of the consumer market. You missed the "consumerization of IT" wave. Hug CIOs as tightly as you can -- while you politely reach into their pockets for revenue to help stabilize the company. Remind CIOs why you were the most trusted brand in mobile communications over most of the past decade or so.

3. Figure Out Why Corporate Customers Are Ready to Exit, Too: Don't take those CIOs for granted. You're dabbling in the consumer market. Meanwhile, an October 2011 survey suggested 11 percent of BlackBerry users in large companies were "completely dissatisfied" with the device, while only 2 percent of iPhone users and 0 percent of Android users were completely dissatisfied, according to a survey by Enterprise Management Associates. Those are alarming statistics. Fix 'em.

4. Go Private and Get Out of the Stock Market: As a publicly held company, you constantly need to disclose earnings misses and executive departures. You don't belong in public markets. Find private equity or a white knight partner that can take you private as soon as possible.

5. Become a Secure Mobility Company Again: That's right. The answer was right in the headline. Focus on the reliability and security of your platform. Figure out how much revenue you can generate from Financial Services, Health Care, Legal and other vertical markets where security and corporate compliance are absolutely mandatory. Adjust your revenue expectations accordingly. Trim headcount and costs drastically.

In short: Figure out the profit model for a "new" company that's roughly 50 percent to 75 percent smaller than the current RIM. Face facts: You're going to get a lot smaller than you are today. But that shrinkage will give you focus and a return to your roots.

6. Bonus: Plug Your Mobile Device Management Platform and related services into third-party management platforms, giving partners and customers a single, cross-platform system from which to manage all mobile devices -- PCs, notebooks, tablets, smarthphones.

Hello, Goodbye

Does The VAR Guy sound dramatic? Yup. But have you seen the executive departure list from RIM in the past year? According to Reuters the exodus has included:
  • Alan Brenner, a senior vice president for the BlackBerry platform, will leave after a transition period
  • Alistair Mitchell, a vice president for the BlackBerry Messenger instant messaging product, recently left
  • Head of marketing Keith Pardy left in March 2011
  • Chief Operating Officer Don Morrison resigned in July 2011
  •  A second COO, Jim Rowan, left last week
  • Chief Technology Officer David Yach left last week
  • Jeff McDowell, senior vice president for platform marketing and alliances, left RIM in July 2011
  • Tyler Lessard, a senior vice president for global alliances and developer relations, left in September 2011
Heck, The VAR Guy hasn't even mentioned the CEO change...

You're running out of time, RIM. Change fast. Or you won't even be able to pay for this collect call from The VAR Guy.